sTAGE 1: SEMEN DEPOSIT, EMBRYO CREATION, AND PREGNANCY
After you sign the contract and make your first payment, you will be tasked picking an egg donor and then going to Mexico to make your semen deposit. An important thing to note is the location you want to choose for your journey - Cancun or Mexico City. You can make your semen deposit in either City, but the location of the egg donor (for live retrieval) / frozen eggs will dictate where the eggs are fertilized, implanted, and where the birth will be. We felt safer and more comfortable with Cancun for the deposit and birth (more touristy, has beaches), so we choose a Cancun egg donor. I would recommend you let the agency know when you are signing your contract so they can advise on which options and eggs are available to you.
The egg donors on the list are all super pretty and very 'model-esque'. We had some skepticism about the legitimacy of them, however we can vouch that we know an individual who used the program and found the egg donor from a DNA testing website - she matched her photo. In looking at the list these days, it appears they have a premium status for those who had a successful donation with the agency, as well as a shift to have them wear a people of branded clothing to ease some of the concern. Outside of the information about the donor on the sheet, there is not much else you will learn about this individual. In talking to agency staff afterwards, it appears you could ask the staff some specific medical questions (does she have a history of __) and they might be able to answer.
You will choose if you want to purchase frozen eggs or do a fresh retrieval from the donor. The benefit to frozen eggs is that you know exactly how many you are purchasing. With a live retrieval, there is a chance you could end up with no viable eggs. However, in our experience (and we are not doctors), live retrieval eggs created better embryos . If we were doing it again from scratch, we would do a live retrieval.
Onto your trip to make the deposit - Miracle Surrogacy uses a network of facilities and doctors to make the entire process work. As you will learn about and read in your contract, there is some public shielding done to ensure that religious groups don’t learn about this coordinated network. This is done to mitigate discrimination on behalf of the facilities or general public, and as such I will not be naming any specific doctor or facility on this website. Do know, however, that the facilities we saw were modern, professional, and up to US standards. You will be going to an actual fertility clinic for the semen deposit and an actual hospital for the delivery, but not all staff may be aware of the surrogacy situation, however. In this first trip out, you will meet with your first team coordinator (we met ours at the facility). Once you make your deposit, you are pretty much free to leave and go back home. We decided to turn our trip into a little vacation, staying at an all inclusive hotel, Iberostar Coral. In the following time after your deposit (see the “Timeline” page for exact dates), the agency will schedule the fertilization of the eggs with the semen to make the embryos.
We originally purchased frozen eggs (14 to be exact) and the fertilization process (which takes five days) resulted in one bad grade embryo. At that point, we had a choice to either implant the embryo into a surrogate, or to discard it. You cannot mix embryos from different biological parents into one implant ‘batch’, as there is medical ethics prohibiting this. We chose to implant the one embryo, and it did not produce a pregnancy. We then had no embryos remaining and had to purchase new eggs, repeat the fertilization, and implant once again for $21,575. Note that the agency was gracious enough to donate some of their emergency fund to us for this ($825).
We then purchased a fresh egg retrieval from a new donor. This produced 18 eggs which then produced 8 good grade embryos. No secondary semen deposit was required for this as they had enough remaining from the first deposit. Soon after the creation of the embryos, our surrogate was assigned and implanted. They typically do two embryos per transfer for a higher success rate.
Throughout these early stages, you will get email notifications of everything. The agency staff do not frequently make phone calls unless there is very bad news. While we though this was a red flag at first, we imagine this is due to the amount of parents per staff member. In these stages, for example, we got an email from the pregnancy coordinator saying that the fertilization produced XYZ results, that the implantation went well, etc…. Now that we are using them for a second surrogacy journey, they have began to do a monthly phone call with you and also are available to schedule a call upon request (they also have a lot more staff than when we first did the original surrogacy).
Around a week after implantation, your surrogate will do a beta blood pregnancy test for the initial sign that the embryo took. If this is successful, around 10 days after the first test, a medical test will be done to confirm if there is gestational sac. Around two weeks after that, a final confirmation test will be done to determine a heartbeat. At this point, you have a confirmed pregnancy!
Transferred embryos that produced our son.
sTAGE 3: pREPPING FOR DELIVERY
We started preparing for the delivery around four months before the scheduled C-section (note that the agency tends to favor C-sections for scheduling and ease of procedure). At this point, we reserved our accommodations – an apartment condo on Airbnb and a care rental (see “Living in Cancun” page for more information). We also starting prepping our nursery at home, setting things up, getting items purchased, etc….
At work, you can apply for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) to get time off of work. You may also qualify for paid family leave if you work in an appropriate state and with an appropriate employer. You can get FMLA even if you are not the biological father.
Closer to delivery (around to months out or so), the agency sent us a multi-page PDF with what to expect and how to prepare. Interestingly enough, the hospitals in Mexico do not provide basic necessities for a baby like in the US. You will have to prepare a baby bag containing essentials – clothes, diapers, formula, bottles, rash cream, etc…. When you are preparing these items, you need to make sure that they are prewashed, pre-sanitized and ready to use out of the bag.
One thing we did not get in the US (but we should have) is the C-section bandage. This is a piece of fabric that Velcro’s around the surrogate’s waist after birth to help support the area where the incision occurred. We would recommend to buy two of these in the US (different fits/variety) and have them in the baby bag. We had a lot of trouble finding this in Cancun, and Amazon did not work for us in our apartment condo.
A few weeks before the planed date, you will want to make sure that you have everything ready and planned just in case something happens and delivery is early. We had three bags packed, one each for our clothes, and one filled with baby items – namely everything needed for the 'baby bag'. We also brought with us a baby camera and heartbeat monitor (Owlet), a travel and foldable bassinet (collapses into a backpack), and some baby medical supplies.
In regards to the car seat and stroller – most airlines will not let you travel with an empty car seat / stroller without paying for it as baggage. We decided to purchase them in Walmart in Cancun right when we landed. While not perfect, the stroller and car seat combo we got (only one option was available when we went) worked while we were in Mexico and as an emergency backup when we got home. Notably, car seats are not required nor that common in Mexico and people seem to not know how to use them. Your baby should always be in a car seat while driving, even if the surrogate wants to hold them on the way to the embassy. Final car seat note – on the way home, the airline (Frontier) did not let us use the car seat for our son, instead it had to be packed in the underside of the plane with the stroller. We had to hold him in our lap. Just be aware and hold tight during landing.
Our bottle and changing area in our Cancun apartment.
sTAGE 3: ARRIVAL IN CANCUN AND DELIVERY
We arrived in Cancun two days prior to the scheduled C-section. As soon as you touch down, the agency will send you the contact information for a team in Cancun that is there and dedicated to helping you get situated, find things, get use to being a parent, etc… They communicate via WhatsApp and are the nicest team of people you will ever meet. They helped us with so many things and always made themselves available as a resource whenever we needed.
You will need to deliver the baby bag to the agency prior to the delivery. The “Living in Cancun” section contains more information and details as per where we stayed, how we got groceries, etc…. Once you get yourself situated, you will need to prepare the apartment for the baby. If everything goes right and the baby is perfectly healthy at birth, you will take the baby home around two days after the birth. In the apartment, you will need to have the following ready:
- Bassinet
- Baby water, sanitized bottles, and formula ready (and to know how to make them)
- Bottle sanitizer
- Wipes and diapers (size new born NB and 1 just in case)
- Onsies, pants, socks, hats, blankets, burp clothes
Our surrogate had gone into labor the day before her scheduled C-section and the doctor decided to pursue a C-section that day. Our son was born happy and healthy. We were not allowed in the delivery room for the birth, but the agency staff sent us a video of the birth and first photos of our son, which we appreciated so much. We were able to visit our son on the first day. The agency staff met us outside the hospital and took us each in individually for ten minutes to hold our son. To be honest, it was quite awkward and difficult to meet the surrogate, hold your baby for a few minutes, and then give him back to the surrogate and leave.
Thankfully, he was discharged in two days. In Mexico, the family has to be discharged together as a family (the surrogate and her family – not you). In our situation, the agency had us meet the surrogate in a café parking lot and we took our son, put him in our car seat, and went to our apartment. In talking to people who have used the agency after us, this is definitely not the norm. They now have an office space in Cancun (and also in Mexico City) that is used for this part of the process (which appears to have been opened just weeks after we left Mexico). You should not have to experience a 'parking lot' baby drop off (although it is a memory we will never forget haha).
The agency staff were able to arrange a local judge to meet us for the birth certificate that same day. We had gotten our son home, changed him and gave him a bottle before heading out to a café to meet the judge, the surrogate, and the agency staff. Its important to note that cash was required at this point to expedite the process (I believe $1000, but check your contract - now it is done via credit card in advance). We would 100% recommend to expedite it as opposed to going somewhere and waiting in line. If you have anything you need the surrogate to sign or be notarized, the agency can schedule a notary service at this meeting to get that done (see in the next section- we had a form from our lawyer to be notarized).
At this step, we had both our son and his Mexican birth certificate in our possession. You will have some down time (days to weeks). While it was difficult to learn how to take care of a baby in a foreign country with none of our parents to help, it was an experience we would never trade. The agency will set up two appointments for your baby. The first is a heel stick test around 5 days after you get your baby home. This was slightly chaotic as only the biological father was allowed into the room, the doctor spoke no English, and he had to get the agency on the phone to translate while our baby was screaming. They ended up having to do it twice. The second appointment is your regular pediatric appointment at one week. Be sure to have the doctor give you a piece of paper with the baby’s vaccine information (they only do one for Hepatitis).
Please refer to the “Embassy” section on exit steps and getting home with your baby.
Walking back to our car after getting our baby from the surrogate.